I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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