you have to choose: penises or morals?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just invented taco cereal.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
