Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
