so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
