My cat gives me a boner
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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