she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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