It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
