Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
