actually, I'm a sock model
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
In America we eat man semen.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
