last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
