We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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