dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
