The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize