What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
