just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
