Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
