I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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