Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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