do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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