I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
