took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
