at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
