my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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