I have demons in me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
