she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
