so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
