Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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