You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
