you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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