just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
