Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
