I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
