Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So much rum. So many feels.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
