Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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