Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They took my balls.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
