i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize