You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
