i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
