I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
