tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
