Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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