can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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