my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was like eating out sand paper
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
