Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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