i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
