I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
