it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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