It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
