he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
