dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
