and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
