I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
