I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
