So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize