my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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